Of Love And Pain

Friends, Lovers, Or Nothing

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 12:42:00 +0000

I'm a wreck! I totally did not adhere to any of yesterday's Plan. Sigh, even my nails are left unpainted. Well no fear, at least I was productive during Christmas shopping. And I've gotta start packing for the YA Retreat tomorrow. Got some pretty papers & stuff:

I want these trees on my bedroom wall or could I have them on my 2010 planner at least?

Life is full of opportunity costs. I hate making monetary decisions, where like, if you spend on one thing, you're restricted from being able to spend on another. Yeah you get the picture. I'm so unbelievably broke right now, and I can't do anything about it. If only the money in my wallet was like orange juice in some Chinese Seafood restaurant or something... Absolutely free-flow. Could I have more refills please? Groans, think I'm totally being a blood-sucker to my parents financially, but this is the point of time in my life where excessive spending is a result of increasing needs against no available income sources. I feel tempted to draw a graph out of that and elaborate on the gradient or something, seriously.

K off to attempt completing yesterday's plan. Toodlez.

I was a killer, was the best they'd ever seen.

I'd steal your heart before you ever heard a thing.

I'm an assassin and I had a job to do,

Little did I know that boy was an assassin too.

The More It's Hard To Take

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 10:38:00 +0000

I think now that I've had enough time living it up, I think it's time I start planting some discipline back in my life. I know how I've always tried to make things work out for my studies but I've never really put in the effort and like, well it's evident in my grades. Mom's been nagging at me about Econs. I seriously dread more tuition. If I can only rely on tuition for better grades, I'm no better off than a half-wit with a lack of discipline and the inability to study. Okay, maybe it's because I don't actually work for it, that's why.

Okay to get things started, I gotta make a plan. (Which is why I need my 2010 planner soon)
Plan for.. The Rest of The Day:
(1) Finish writing Christmas Cards for the party.
(2) Finish Math tuition work.
(3) Start on my Apartheid report.
(4) Prez-hunting w Joe tomz and +++ (to be planned).

Okay I don't think I can complete everything by tonight, but at least I've conjured some sort of a plan, better than no plan at all, yes? Hahah, alrighty critterz, think I shall go paint my nails after dinzo. Mmmm.

I wish I would have seen you in the bakery,

But if I've seen you in the bakery,

You probably wouldn't have seen me.

In Power & Love

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 20:51:00 +0000

It's 5am in the morning, believe it or not, I'm still up.
Am having wild intense cravings for anything that could possibly accumulate more calories in my bloodstream right now. (Okay fine Kokocrunch & Milk, nyomz) Attempted to do some math today, but of course, I failed miserably.

I like her hair, it's wavy and tied up in a bow, and it doesn't need to be neat.

(/edited):
Met Nurul earlier (missed her plenty), and she passed me my birthday prezzie and a card from the class. She got me that watch necklace above, I've been wanting it since eternity! Thanks all of you, you're all amazing in your own way :>

Ah, I can't be any happier, this year has been crazy & awesome simultaneously, and I'm sure it'll be perfect to conclude it with a Christmas party on the 22nd with the Clique (eggciting!) Valarie's on her way to Thailand now (don't get harrassed by tranzies alrighty haha) Oh and I bought Christmas card papers, can't wait to write them! I think above all, I feel really blessed, and I'm reminded of how all this while, it's really been Him just providing for me, and I didn't have to worry at all. And now, each time I take communion, I will be reminded of all that He has done for me and so much more. Now, that I know it's true meaning.

I'm wearing the bracelet you gave me, it's pretty in it's own way and it has its meaning to it.

xx, Natalie.

Luckiest Girl Alive

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 16:14:00 +0000

Nomnomnomz. I'm back, with a whole lotta loot and toot but I'm happy and satisfied. I like the Chance, by Chanel perfume Mom got, interesting scent. Smells pretty.. Manly. Hahhaa.
Caught Couples' Retreat today, wasn't too bad :>
I think I shall start removing my nail polish and get a new colour soon. But I kinda like the current colour now. Okay trivial girl's dilemma, you may choose to ignore.

I'm still addicted to Use Somebody by Kings Of Leon, kinda slow but somehow it grew on me.
Ah so tired, gotta rest my bones and look forward to the new day heh, gotta seriously start on my holiday homework already though. Math tutor's gonna murder me for skipping his lessons agh, I hate control-freak pissy gay tutors. :/

I like the new Literature book we're doing titled, Disgrace. Seems like a good read. (Yes first time I'm commenting about books like that, be proud)

Like magic, boy, magic.

Super Seventeen

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 19:08:00 +0000

Evening ch'yall, my 17th this year was a major surprise, I love my friends many-ful, and thanks so much for everything!
Dinz @ BBQ Chicken was good, check out mojojoJoe's awesomely blue tongue!

Hahah they crashed my place! Family portrait w/o Joe (sorry sick boy get well soon!)

My favoritest cake ever (thanks guys) & the hippo hat they forced me to walk around in!

Sentosa a few days back. Times & crimes :>

Love my Felalicious.

More @ FB.

Anyway, I must thank everyone for the well wishes and especially Val, my goodiest girlfriend, for getting me another bracelet since I misplaced my tinkerbell one. Was really sweet of her and I think I like this bracelet a whole lot more cuz it's got sentimental value now! Hehheh. Thanks love, hope your foot is feeling better! (:

Ah I've been over-spending this whole week and I'm pretty sure my parents are gonna return home with murderous looks on their faces but it's okay, I shall take some time to mentally prepare myself before getting lectured severely. Confirmation today went well, thanks for the lovely cards and gifts churchies :> Caught New Moon today & Planet 51 yesterday, (as mentioned, over-spending: on weekend movies), was practically sleeping through New Moon, felt like I totally wasted my moolahz.

SIGH, I NEED TO WORK OR SOMETHING TO GET MY $$ BACK.

Quaint Florals Please The Eye

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 13:02:00 +0000

Chi he wan le! Meowww I read chinese perfectly fine.

Marilyn Monroe ooh ooh.

Jap Ice cream, Mango + Green Tea + Peppermint. Nyomz.

Thanks for the sweet card and the prezzie Val dearest (:

Shopping was awesome today, despite the fact how I've unfortunately misplaced my TINKERBELL BRACELET (IKR!) and am trying very hard not to brood over my loss );

Anyway, Daddy sent me a text this morning asking if things are fine over at Sg, of course it is, WITH ME AROUND! Hahah I kid. And he said Mom got me a bunch of loot. Yayza! :>

Anyway, here's the thing. I don't wanna turn 17, but I'd inevitably do in about 43 minutes. Ah I feel more apprehensive than eggcited in fact. Being 17, means I'm one step closer to being 18. While growing older means more freedom, it also means more responsibilities and independency. Fear sneaks up on me as the minutes tick. Stop reminding me it's the 12th tomorrowwww. I miss my parents already. Booooo.

Waging Wars With Poets & The Beat

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 18:32:00 +0000

Thanks to MJ & Shaotong, I was forced to wear this ridiculous Santa hat in public, and pretend that no one would notice me. Thanks anyway, really MADE MY DAY hahaha.

I'm starting to miss the dancers over @ Sydney. Been through quite alot with them for the past few weeks, and maybe that explains that void inside me that can't really be filled at the moment.

Sentosa W the Clique earlier today was fun, Nasha left for KL today (thanks for the advanced birthday wish, love&miss you plenty!)

Had to give the bbq a miss though, really sorry guys!

Shopping W Val tomorrow, eggciting :>

Confirmation service this Sunday. This week is packed already, believe me or not.

Note To Self: Do not be a substitute/replacement in anybody's hearts.

I'm not ready for 2010 to begin.

All American Boy

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 18:13:00 +0000

IT'S OVER!!! All the tough, sweaty times, sleepless nights, blistered feet, bruised knees and what not. Well they're all over now, and I can finally sleep with a toothless smile across my face! Let December begin! So exhausted today, and we really gotta thank so many people like Ruishan & Eugene for their killer training & guidance, without you guys we wouldn't have made it this far! (: Really got to know MDC budsiez better too.

Thanks once again to the supporters who came down today to watch us and cheer for us! Oh and I really appreciate the flowers too, thank you!

Alrighty, I can't wait for all that is to come. I NEED TO STRAIGHTEN MY HAIR, PRONTO. CHERYL ITS A DATE. And shopping and nomnomz!

Intensity In The Cities

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 11:56:00 +0000

Listening To: The Way I Do, Marcos Hernandez

Confirmation class for 8 hours today, great job guys, we survived! Oh yes did I mention how I'm gonna get ready for some hunger-control project I shall be working on this holiday? Yeah never mind that, 8th December is coming, the big day. Oh and I really miss Valarie! Come back soon love, and meet up! :> Everyone will be away at camp, Charis will be going to India, Dancers will be away at Sydney, parents over at China, and I'll be stuck in little Singapore, alone!

Shaotong taught me a new emoticon called "Starstruck" - *O* Hahahaha! LOVE IT. And it can only be used on hot, swoon-worthy guys like this Changmin dude from this kpop band I forgot, which danced to Mirotic. Ah what a charm *O*!

I wanna continue watching The Tenth Circle on HBO, I only watched half of it 'cause MJ pestered me to join them @ Gwheelers midway (haha). Speaking of which, the boys should be back tonight, somehow Dance seemed alot different without them for that few days!

Feelin' empty up & down up & down here we go up & under & in between.

Open Your Eyes, Girl

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 10:34:00 +0000

Yesterday, more costume hunting + rehearsal @ AMKS.
Rachel (camwhore): "Let's take a picture!" Hahah.

UNBELIEVABLY BANANA YELLOW TIGHTS. We did receive many unwanted glares on the MRT.

Awww :>

Yeah, so I'm exhausted once again, and this seriously ain't no holiday... till the 8th. Actually it's not counted a holiday still, seeing as the AMOUNT of holiday homework we're tasked to do is beyond eternal. Major sigh, I just hope the rest of December won't disappoint!

It's time to par-tay once my parents leave for their overseas business trip on the 10th, hahah, and then imma work out some to-do list pronto (scratch out studying for the time being).

I can't stand people who are just so self-absorbed/conceited and tyrannical (yet tries to mask it by spinning tall tales about their 'deeds'), because in all honesty, they're no better than the scum off my soles, with only a tongue to scrape through their life when they think they're good enough to comment/condemn/criticize others, only to incur the wrath of these "victims" unconsciously. Blinded by their own conceit I must say, yes that's exactly the phrase to describe such people.

Alright, enough of my gripes that are out to ruin my mood, lets talk about how I'll go conjure up a list of must-dos (eggciting!) right after I'm done with Math tuition (ohgoodsiez) and then not worry about anything else.

Your Paper Heart

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 17:14:00 +0000

See you MJ in 5 days time, hope you have fun at your ODAC trip!

I thought this would be an 'artistic' pose. Hahah.

My face and arms are lobster-burnt and my lips are chapped from cycling for Gwheelers today.

Crashed the IT fair with Cheryl & Marcus later, which was really not an ideal place to go to on a Sunday afternoon (hahah)

Listening To: All You Wanted, Michelle Branch. -Reminds me of you, and all the lovely memories locked away somewhere. But it's great to know now, what we both want, at the same time for once. :>

Heads Or Tails, Real Or Not.

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 18:11:00 +0000

It's 2am, and dayum should totally be sleeping there's dance from 9-4 tomorrow, sheezmedeezee.

Anyway costume-hunting today, hahah:

Jungle bellz are jungling, you hear 'em?
Anyway, ordered two Threadless tees today, hooray!
Thanks a millz MJ. Teehee.

Caught Hysterical Madness on HBO earlier and wowee, it was I think, some 70s or 80s film and the fashion then, is so the fashion now. I want acid-washed high-waisted skinny jeans and denim jackets and weird flanky tops that make you look like you've just gotten up from bed. Hahah. Kzos, really shouldn't be staying up tonight, hope Mom's happy with the stuff I got her!

Nighty.

Are We Just Ashes & Wine?

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 04:08:00 +0000

Good afternoon critterz, kinda gave History a miss today, been terribly exhausted nowadays, and everything just cranks me up, especially at home.

Anyway, OGL training seems pretty extreme, all my Saturdays shall be ruthlessly devoured away, and all for what? To be, an INSPIRATION to the kids next year, or so to speak. Ah I haven't been able to make time for any pre-studying or even squeeze any time out for that dumb wikitp project, real sorry mates. Everyday's like another mundane routine, with some sort of nebulous aim keeping me occupied half the time cherried with emotional rollercoasters that I'm obliged to deal with.

2010 sounds pretty harsh to me already, pray I'd survive.

Something always brings me back to you.
But, I don't wanna go there again.
Guess our timings never sync-ed once.

She's Much Better

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:03:00 +0000

Listening To: Need, Hana Pestle.
I've got it all figured it out.
You're really just, 'too insecure to treat me as an equal', and that describes you completely.
Then again, I'm really too tired to fit your expectations all the time, even if you don't speak of, I know that's what you desire. There are things I feel, that you can never really comprehend, and that makes it all so much harder. Maybe I'm just a child, maybe that's why I'm full of maybes.

I feel so cranky right now. Last week of school, gonna miss everyone.
Feeling so indifferent about people and their needs, I wanna focus on excelling in both my academics & dance instead. Figured it's more worth it than sustaining contusions mentally & emotionally repetitively. And in the end, you're in this battle alone!

I somehow see what's beautiful in things that are ephemeral.
I'm my only friend, am I?
Love is just a piece of time in the world.

We Belong To You & Me

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 06:45:00 +0000

Hahaha, nice job Anthony, whoever you are.

Went over to Bugis yesterday with some Dance budzies to go costume hunting but we came home empty-handed & disappointed. Haha, but nevertheless, we're so going back to grab this whole list of stuffz on our wishlists.

Was complaining to Lanzie yesterday how much I wished I was skinnier, but food just deters me from reaching such an unattainable goal. Ooh speaking of goals...

"Natalie's unwavering determination to improve her grades is indeed commendable. She should never give up her resolution to attain good results, especially in Economics." -Wanger's Remarks, Year 1 Promotional Examination, Academic Year 2009.

Hahaahaaha, oh Econs, I promise I won't fail you again, you'll be my date on all my Saturdays while all my friends are having a good time chilling @ Starbucks or playing LAN (which I can never understand why, till day), and I won't feel a loss at all, because it's so much better spending time with you, (than with them), and I'll win your heart as I get to know you more, and hopefully, just hopefully, you'll reciprocate my tender-loving affection towards you...

And you come to me on a summer breeze,

Keep me warm in your love, and then softly leave.

And it's me you have to show...

How deep is your love.

A Perfect Tourniquet

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 13:44:00 +0000

Dance Budzies/Crazy Supreme-Piggers. 4 mins all the way guys! :>

I'm binging on rich chocolate ice cream right now, don't ask me why.

Dance today was tiring, as usual. But I feel exceptionally sluggish, must be the excessive food I had today. Not to fear, am gonna work it all off during hardcore dance practice tomorrow!

I'm tired of adhering to rules all the time, of living up to a certain fixed expectation, that like, "if you behave out of this square of laws, you shall be banished from the circle of respect!" Speaking of rules, shivering, er I mean sitting through 'mock winter' during lectures all week was a terribly brilliant way to conclude our J1 journey!

Especially with an interesting/engaging Economics lecturer that creates her own new words...

"We corridge (call it) Aggregate Demand."

"...just like in chair-mistry (chemistry)"

"That's the only wan-ch (one)"

"I'll elaborate more later on-t (on)"

We couldn't stop giggling, but nevertheless, it was worth listening to. Man, feeling like a fat shlob right now, no more eating for the night Nat!

TO ALL THAT IS TO COME, BRING IT ER, ON-CH!

Love That Has Saved Me

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:43:00 +0000

My desk is so messy you won't believe it when I tell you how I probably can't find my phone amidst the pile of worksheets and files. Nicky was vacuuming the entire area earlier just now and I'm pretty sure she uncovered a multitude of dusty treasures... Mmhmm (Y)

I think I'm falling sick soon, am developing some random cough, and I'm so plagued with fatigue I'm feeling rather cranky. I really hope I'd survive the week, with dance everyday & more.. It's crazy I'm literally pushing myself to my limits this week. Math tuition make-up all the way @ Bras Basah tomorrow @ 9pm, screams killlerrrrrrr, but whatever, Wednesday better be worth it.

Yay this December my parents might be going away for work, which leaves us in a state of anarchy! Hahah eggciting. My living room walls are now yellow, looks less dreary I guess.

However, I wanna be reminded that I'm gonna get my life right, as I commit my days to Him, in faith. Splendour amazing. :>

Take A Walk & Fall In Love

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 06:41:00 +0000

Sunday.
Wish I've been better to you.
That's all I can say, enough of regrets, I'll lock them away somewhere & just pretend.
-
Am bored I'm camwhoring, wait I know how I shouldn't be granted such a "privilege" 'cause there's tons of things I gotta do like, read up on my lecture notes, start planning for my future what not & etc.

I'm gonna order that 2010 planner, think it only exists online, so hopefully I'll wait for it to arrive before I start working on my 2010 resolutions (grins, like I've ever religiously stuck to them) Got myself pretty notebooks + another Starbucks tumbler yesterday, it's not as pretty though (spendthrift, Nat) 'cause I heart-wrenchingly dropped my first one and it kinda cracked, and you know how product imperfection can really drive me nuts sometimes (OCD, Nat). So hooray, I can now alternate between the two, once I get it fixed that is.

Sheeegz, two more weeks of torment, bite me and make it quick!

Plan #1 for the future: Stop snacking on kokocrunch every minute you're hungry even if that's all there is in the fridge.

Plan #2 for the future: Be a Peter Pan & never grow up!

Listen to this, I love how you can really see her emotions in here.

Tick Tock

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 12:50:00 +0000

Diva Goodies; I'm in love with pocket watch necklaces, they've got this certain significance to it:

And this one's an owl design! How awesome is that. But it's not as pretty though.

Firstly, my family went off for some good Jap feast without me today! Thank goodness I made up for that by having my own Jap lunch with Chunkz lovezos :> Gymmed with her too & caught up, gonna miss her! :(

Lessons are starting this week (groans&moans), and there's gonna be hardcore dance practices everyday!

Anyway, Dad's friend is gonna pay me to set up some website for him, sounds good right? I'm quite excited actually, how I'm gonna spend my earnings this season. Hawhaw.

Okay, I'm gonna take a good long bath, read my bible (yes finally), and go to bed early enough to get up for Dance tomorrow (so *coughs Ruth won't hunt me down with her incessant calls!) Hahah. Nighty whales.

Frumpy

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 16:12:00 +0000

Shopping W Val today was fabulous, despite how I got all cranky and everything.
It was all good. Got myself a Starbucks tumbler it's the Christmas season! And +++
Alrighty, sorry Val I was so cranky hahah, meanbean side revealed! :<

Anyway, just to end this post with a BANG! ;

Too hot, Fizzie.

"OOH! Lets form pyramids around the whole table!"

"Yeah, we so have enough cards to do that!"

Goodnight seabirdz.

Saw You At The Grocery Store

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:39:00 +0000

I don't care how trashy I am at taitee, I'm working on it boyz!
Chill'd with portion of the Clique @ Vickie'z after school today. L4D! Hahah.
Dad's out of town and I'm experiencing great monetarial issues right now because of his untimely absence. Greattt, how can I enjoy Thursday shopping? :/
Sheez, can't wait for photoshoot w Chunkz, my love. OPOPOPOP TOMORROW. BUTTERFLIES!

But with you there is no guarantee,
Only expired warranty.
A bunch of broken parts,
And I can't seem to find your heart.

Natalie's Wish/To-Get List:

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 12:12:00 +0000

Threadless. Hoootz, love Owls, I'm nocturnal just like them! This is pretty, it looks so recycled I love it. Great way to start off my lifeless 2010.

Yes conversation with MJ has reached a point where we mutually agree on how we do not want to grow up. At least not past 18? Today I retreated to the comforts of my bed and its soft covers, and I wonder if I can continue to possess that child-like quality that many of us today do not have anymore..

Wishful thinking, Nat. Anyway been thinking, I hate being a substitute, for anything, really. Moreover, I hate hearing things that I'm most afraid of, and you just had to. Well thank you.

Goodnight. School tomorrow.

Drive Me Crazy, Girl.

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 07:12:00 +0000

Once again, I'd say this is AMAZING. Her dance moves are craaaazy!

K I don't know if this is a good thing, but somehow I'm not feeling worried about the upcoming OP, maybe 'cause I know I'll start having a life again after Wednesday. Well there is a truckload of eggciting events coming up.

Shopping W Valzie.

Across The Universe, Belle it's a date!

Dancedancedance&smileoperationz.

(M) Party W the clique, possibly.

Math tuition is just creeping in to ruin my weekends.

Diss-A-Pleen

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:32:00 +0000

Dance was exhausing today, but nevertheless, worth every penny for charity! Hahah.
Anyway, dinner with the girlz @ Subway, first time I added lettuce into my sandwich, be proud!
Oh yes, thanks Val, my goodiest friend, ahahah for waiting for me today! Really appreciate it :>

Can't wait for December to come, the best days of my life!
Life's good when I place Him first.

Shine

pour.femme.alie@hotmail.com (Natalie) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 14:31:00 +0000

I'm such an Aly & Aj person. Never gets too old for me.

Wanna go backpacking like they did here. Preferably around Europe. Ah, that'd be so awesome.

Post A's perhaps.

Retail Therapy here I come! Loveeelovelove.